In Part 1 of this three-part series, I explored some of the mysteries of internet hacks (formerly known as household hints) that seem to show up on my Instagram even though I have never posted and follow exactly 1.25 people. But it has opened up a whole new world for me.
Let Inga Tell You: Hacks and gadgets: a whole new world. Part 1
I cannot help but observe in these hacks that logic is sometimes in short supply. For example, dumping out an entire liter of soda (shown on the video) so you can use the bottle makes no sense to me.
A cleaning recipe calls for “expired beer.” Who has that? Not my house! Should you let a bottle of beer go flat just to use in a hack that could probably be purchased at the hardware store for less than the cost of the beer?
Other cleaning hacks require fresh (unbrewed) coffee grounds or lots of toothpaste or tons of aluminum foil or dishwasher cubes. Hard to imagine cost savings using any of those.
Some of these hack videos go by at warp speed. It’s a puzzle trying to connect a tomato, drain cleaner and aluminum foil into the same hack. Is this a test? Is it one hack or 10?
A lot of these hacks will start with “My grandmother taught me this” or “A plumber taught me this.” Frankly, Grandma was an idiot, and you ought to fire the plumber.
Some examples:
• “Learned this from a plumber”: Wrap aluminum foil around a faucet, then squirt soap on top and turn on the faucet. What exactly does this do? The soap is on top of the aluminum foil.
• “Learned this from my dad”: He’s a genius! Rubbing a sanding block over a $100 bill. To its authenticity? I’d be afraid of shredding it and the bank not being willing to let me trade it in for another one.
• “Always do this before travel”: Wrap car and house keys (including fobs) in aluminum foil and put in freezer. Can this be good for the electronics in the key fobs?
• “Most people don’t know this trick”: Put a can of (unopened) garbanzo beans in the dishwasher. Absolutely no idea what this is supposed to do for the garbanzo beans, the dishes or the dishwasher. Does whatever it is still work if the beans are cannellini?
Then there’s a whole class of hacks that to me just seem, well, flat-out weird.
Some examples:
• Cut a tomato in half horizontally. Insert gold jewelry between the two halves of the tomato to polish/clean it. Hopefully you can sneak the tomato halves into your kids’ sandwiches afterward so as not waste the tomato.
• Get rid of musty odors on clothes by spraying them with vodka. They used a men’s suit jacket as an example. Yup, definitely need to go to work reeking of vodka. Sure hope those European alcohol tariffs don’t go into effect, because this could be an expensive hack!
• Dumping something blue (what?) in the toilet, then sticking your bare muddy foot in the toilet and flushing for an “instantly clean foot.” Doubt this really works unless you have one of those old toilets that actually power flushes. And how did you even get into the bathroom without tracking mud all over? And … eww.
• Rubbing raw egg whites on leather boots to clean and shine them. How does this not end up with boots smelling like rotten eggs?
• Take the pit from an avocado and cut it into pieces. (Machete required?) Put in a jar with Coca-Cola, wait 24 hours, then rub the pieces with some of the Coke in the jar on stiff muscles and ts. Try not to attract ants. OK, that last part was mine.
One hack I tried that did not work as well as I hoped was to put a wooden spoon over a pot to keep it from boiling over. It boiled over.
The hack I am always looking for is the one that purports to remove hard-water buildup on glass shower doors. Even though Olof and I are religious about squeegeeing the doors after every shower, hard water has built up that has defied every commercial cleaning product on the market, never mind epic amounts of elbow grease. Even an Amazon product called “Shower Door Cleaner” didn’t touch it.
But ever an optimist, I have mixed every concoction the Instagram hackers have touted. It worked so well on their shower doors. Maybe they don’t live in a place with hard water like we do. Or it’s had less time to build up.
At this point, the only conclusion we can come to is that we’ll just have to replace the shower doors. But they’ll likely end up looking the same. Fortunately, by then we’ll be dead and whoever ends up with our tiny built-by-the-lowest-bidder-after-the-war-with-all-non-standard-parts cottage will raze it and build a McMansion on the lot with hopefully a soft water system.
Stay tuned next time for Part 3: amazing and horrifying gadgets.
Inga’s lighthearted looks at life appear regularly in the La Jolla Light. Reach her at [email protected]. ♦
