My wife is giving me flak for buying that enormous container of animal crackers at Costco.
The doctor has been urging us to lose weight, so she questions why it was necessary for me to purchase 4 pounds of cookies.
According to the label, one serving (11 crackers), contains 120 calories, so she won’t eat any, and she made me commit to having no more than a few per week.
That purchase drew yet another complaint about why I continue to buy in such bulk.
The answer, of course, is the huge savings.
Take those hamburger buns I bought. The Costco charge was $2.69 for a full dozen, which, by any measure, is an excellent bargain, especially when you consider the fact that my wife bought half the quantity for twice the price at the local market.
She argues that by the time we’d consume a dozen hamburger rolls, many would have gone stale. More evidence, she claims, that bulk buying isn’t always the answer.
“I prefer the higher priced rolls,” she argues, “over the ones with the mold.”
But that was in the past. Today those rolls from Costco remain safe and fresh thanks to the steal I got on a new freezer. Now their projected expiration date is approximately two years past my own.
But she contends preserving 12 hamburger buns doesn’t exactly justify the purchase of an $800 freezer.
That’s not only a misleading argument, but a gross understatement since she conveniently neglected to include what I estimate to be about 1,000 animal crackers.
She also fails to give me any credit for the deal I obtained on those eggs, a purchase, I computed, that saved us a generous 10 cents per egg over the supermarket price.
She says 10 cents is not that big of a deal, but she fails to take into that it wasn’t simply 10 cents that we saved but a full $6.
But she insists we didn’t need 60 eggs, not only because she considers it an excessive quantity, but also because we’re both on statin medication.
So to get a handle on the cholesterol issue she refuses to eat eggs at all, and I only consume two or three per week, which would have meant no need for another purchase until sometime next spring if I hadn’t discovered you can’t freeze eggs.
I don’t understand why Costco wouldn’t post some sort of cautionary about that fact to alert shoppers since such an advisory would have circumvented a 60-egg explosion.
So, after we finished scrubbing the freezer, I checked the Internet and discovered you can indeed freeze eggs if you first take them out of the shell, separate the yolks form the whites, and store them that way.
It meant another visit to Costco, only for the sake of our marriage, I agreed not to return until I finished consuming the last animal cracker, which, according to my calculations, won’t get me back until sometime around the fall of 2026.
Erdos is a freelance humor columnist. him at [email protected].
