You may have seen the extensive TV and Internet coverage of that Bel Air estate on the market for $295 million.
It’s said to be the most expensive home in America and also the largest.
If it wasn’t for the pandemic, I would have loved to take a drive to L.A. to get a tour. But as it stands, the only time I leave the house is to retrieve the newspaper.
Even my groceries are delivered. I have to confess, it’s rather convenient to simply punch a few computer keys and find a Costco delivery at my door.
My wife says those purchases are excessive, insisting many are tantamount to hoarding. But I’m only trying to make sure we don’t run out of supplies, given past shortages.
That $295 million price tag speaks to the skyrocketing real estate values.
I’m sure we’d collect a nice profit if we sold our own home, but where would we go?
Our daughter would love for us to move closer to her, but she lives in Montana where the climate isn’t the most ideal.
While the temperature here has been averaging a balmy 82 degrees, over there, it’s 10 below Siberia.
Coincidentally, my friend Bobby moved only a few miles from my daughter because of his love of winter sports.
It’s really the perfect climate for skiers, ice skaters, bobsledders and caribou.
That Bel Air home has 105,000 square feet, 21 bedrooms, 42 bathrooms, a 30-car garage, and a 10,000-bottle wine cellar.
I can’t help reflecting on the two-bedroom, one bathroom apartment we occupied in my youth.
My parents were in one bedroom, my two brothers in the other, and I slept on the couch in the living room.
As the youngest, it meant I was fifth in line to the throne. It was a royal distinction that often had me seeking the bushes. Sadly, there’s a scarcity of bushes — or for that matter, vegetation of any sort — in Brooklyn. One bestselling author was so excited about finding a tree growing there, she wrote a book about it.
Today, we have the luxury of three bathrooms, although none are easily accessible since my wife bathes in one, does her hair in the second, and applies makeup in the third.
I like to check out the YouTube videos featuring that megamansion while fantasizing about living there.
It’s fair to say carrying a $295 million home would present a strain on our budget, since mortgage payments, after a $100 million down payment, would run around a million a month.
Clearly, such a home would be excessive for just the two of us since our children have all left, we have only two cars, and that wine cellar is probably more than we’d need for a “Two-Buck Chuck” collection.
On the other hand, although 21 bedrooms sounds extreme, it still represents a shortfall if my in-laws came to visit.
My wife would love the idea of a 30-car garage since I’ve been forced to park our cars on the street to make room for toilet paper.
And 42 bathrooms would be nice because it would almost guarantee I could claim one for myself.
humor columnist Irv Erdos at [email protected].
