An interested reader took the time to comment on my July 4 column, “Leveling the playing field.” He made two points. One was that it is important to look to the family as the primary source of leadership and encouragement to prepare children for advanced education and beyond. I wholeheartedly agree. The reader also wished for examples for my recommended community contributors to a child’s upbringing. Space limitations held me to generic examples. I will elaborate this week.
On the first point, the reader must have missed my proposition that there are many families (or fragmented families) that do not have the benefit of a wholesome upbringing. In some cases, there is only one parent, or even a part-time parent. There are divorces, incarcerations, drug and health issues, extreme poverty, illiteracy, language issues, homelessness and many other reasons for coming up short on parenting. In many cases, the parents are simply not capable or equipped to provide what is needed to prepare the child for adulthood.
I will offer my own family experience as an example. I had the most loving and ive parents. A couple that stayed together and tried to provide what my older sister and I needed until we went out on our own.
My father was the oldest of six children, of immigrant parents. At age 17, he left high school, well before graduating, to help provide for his large family. He started driving a horse and wagon to pick up dirty laundry for a commercial laundry firm. He worked for the firm his entire life, rising to branch manager. He knew nothing about books and education. He never had thoughts of college for himself, or aspirations for his children. My sister also did not go to college.
My mother was an immigrant, coming to the U. S. at age 11, after being separated from her father for three years, while waiting for her papers to enter. I was smothered with her love and she always insisted on being home whenever I came home from school. But she also had nothing to give me in the way of guidance or intellectual stimulation. There were no books in the house. There was no music or even a music player. Television eventually became available when I was 15. I was born too early for “Sesame Street,” anyway. My preparation for post high school learning was left totally in my own hands. It did not go well.
I offer this as an example of how parenting can be insufficient in even a strong family situation. What should we do about all the families that don’t have even that?
What did help me a bit was encouragement from an eight-grade math department head who saw my strength in that area and pushed me to take the entrance exam for Stuyvesant High School, a specialized math and science school in New York City(I ed). What strengthened me as a young man was my experience in Boy Scouts and the peer pressure to “man-up.” But I missed opportunities because the home environment was lacking in academic or culturally oriented influences. Never did a parent take me to a museum or a library.
I have seen, first hand, what concerned people can contribute to the development of children in their communities. As an adult, I spent 10 years as a Scoutmaster. I was amazed at the voids that Scouting filled for these boys as they learned to deal with challenges that they did not experience at home. They grew in capability and confidence and found mentors and sources of inspiration. I later served as advisor to a high school-aged youth group with similar results. The institutions and volunteers that offer their time and guidance are an important part of what a community needs to do to help prepare children for the future.
A healthy society prospers when all its are prepared to take advantage of what is available in education and employment. We all benefit from the investment of our time and that of other volunteers who make the effort to level the playing field for those who need a helping hand to get in the game.
I hope that this helps to fill the request to provide examples of why we need community involvement and from where it might come. Every child can benefit from this.
A Rancho Bernardo resident, Levine is a retired project management consultant and the author of three books on the subject.
