Gardening: Conversation with myself

UPDATED: June 28, 2018 at 7:50 PM PDT

Me #1: Is being a gardener really all good?

Me #2: It’s hard, dirty work battling insects, diagnosing diseases, dealing with the weather and chasing critters. Fighting bears. Experimental flops that make the nightly news. Tracking dirt into the house. Spending thousands of dollars at the nursery. Repairing broken down lawnmowers, weed wackers and, of course your Caterpillar excavator. There’s plenty more, but my typing finger is feeling the stress.

Bears? No way, DiCaprio.

But wait. What about being one with nature? It’s being free and running around the yard in your birthday…and the butterfly net thing, and…

Stop. No, it’s not.

It’s getting your hands into the soil, feeling the warm, vibrant energy of the earth and squiggly, squishy earthworms beneath.

What about when it’s 36 degrees outside with a dirt chill factor of minus 2?

It’s trying to get your yard to look like your neighbor’s. Or at least like the meticulously manicured mazes in the ancient chateaux and hilltop villages in the Luberon Mountains.

The what mountains? Poway has a chateau?

Like the tranquil winding pathways, manicured hedges, spectacular meadows of wildflowers bursting with vibrant colors and sculpted boxwood shrubs that resemble cozy English cottage gardens that are full of fragrance from the roses, marigolds and daisies.

Whose yard are you looking at?

Like a paradise of art and nature, like the Hampton Court Palace in Surrey, England. You know, Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn’s place. Home of the largest grape vine in the world.

I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore, Toto.

With 40 miles of footpaths and lakeside walks. You might even spot a red squirrel.

When can we let the Foxhounds loose?

Besides, you like learning about new things. This is just an outdoor classroom and you always enjoyed being outdoors, especially for recess.

Did you know that watermelons are vegetables, related to pumpkins, cucumbers and squash? That eggplants are of the potato family? That cilantro is a member of the carrot family and was one of the plants growing in the Hanging Gardens of Babylon?

Are those Hanging Gardens anywhere near here?

They’re located somewhere between Poway and the Middle East. It’s the only one of the Seven Wonders of the World whose location has not been definitively established. Some say it’s Babylon, some say Nineveh. Some say it’s just off I-15. Who knows?

Sometimes getting lost is the best way to find yourself.

Wow, pretty philosophical stuff coming from a guy who still makes mud pies.

I just read something interesting from the National Onion Association. Sulfuric chemicals are why cut onions bring tears to your eyes. Sulphur is the same gas which is produced by volcanoes.

There’s a National Onion Association? O.K., botany boy, now you’re just showing off.

Think about the gentle breeze and mild fragrances that waft across the patio on a warm summer evening.

I smell a steak sizzling on the barbecue.

Then there’s the fresh salad, the cucumbers, the avocado, the sweet, plump tomatoes that go with the steak. There is joy in eating. All because of your garden.

OK, now we’re getting somewhere.

To stop and smell the roses is relaxing. It’s tranquil. It forces you to slow down and pay closer attention to nature.

No argument here. I love roses.

It may not be the Royal Botanic Gardens at Kew. Or even the Château de Versailles. But to me my yard is still a miniature work of art. Sometimes, also a miniature pain in the tractor seat too. Despite the challenges, it’s all still worth it.

Right, it’s all good. Let’s eat.

Schmidt is a Poway resident who has been gardening for over 40 years.

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